carpe diem

For a lot of teenages, high school would be the place and time where you would finally get a girlfriend or boyfriend, and to fall in love. But when it doesn't happen, some might get a bit desperate. As for me... I'm almost the opposite. I try to avoid these things.

After my first foolish unreal relationship, I've started to develop a big fear. The fear of losing a friend. Although in my first relationship, the friend I lost was not actually the person I was in a relationship with, but my best friend. But as the years went by, this fear soon transitioned into the fear of losing the friendship between the person I'm in a relationship with.

I think I can say that from my first relationsip, I've learned to actually get to know the person more than just a friend, but as a good friend. But with that, it means that I might lose that friendship if I went into a relationship with them. My value for friendship is greater than the need of a companionship. Which is why, I've never dated after my first relationship.

Over the years of high school... I've been told and I've personally noticed that I had a few "admirieres"... But whether I liked them back or not, I could never put myself into accepting a relationship, in fear or losing that friendship bond we have, making it ever so awkward if the relationship did not end up lasting. I'm also scared of what might happen if we go into a relationship. I don't want to hurt anyone.

But as for you... I've liked you ever since grade 10 but never said anything. We ended up becoming best friends which makes me mad at myself for liking you. I hoped this feeling would have disappeared over the years, but it never did. The feeling still lingers every time I see you or talk to you. And I think... If you ever ended up somehow liking me back, and telling me... You would be the first person I would say yes to despite our firendsip... Because... I think I really do like you. I would probably tell you about my phobia... But I think with you, I could overcome it, because I think Ive been secretly liking you for a very long time and I've just been hoping to hear that from you too.
But if this never ends up happening... I'm cool with that too, because I'd still have you as m best friend and that is enough too.